Happy Holidays

It’s on days like this that I know that I’m slightly off my rocker.  I thought about how I’m leaving Friendship Collegiate next year and my students that I will have taught for 2 years.  Class of 2011.  And I wanted to stay..

Lest we forget the God forsaken building that flooded last week and didn’t have water this week.  Not to mention the rampant cursing, brattiness and general lack of manners.  The lack of accountability and…let me stop before my moment of bliss is fully put to rest by reality.

The point is.  I love my kids.  It was a great week and it’s really gratifying to share my all with my students.

I can’t wait to see my family for Christmas though.  And to be done with law school applications.  And for no need for jacket weather.  I need to live in the Southern Hemisphere where my favorites: summer + Christmas can be combined.   Happy Holidays everyone!

Here are two swanky websites that I think are neat:

http://media.tomsshoes.com/giftideas

http://www.pixelgirlpresents.com/

(I literally get all of my wallpapers from this site, it’s the best discovery that I’ve kept to myself for some time now, but ’tis the season for sharing!)

Why so serious?

So I just finished the 8th draft of my personal statement to law school and it’s gone through a lot of transformation since I first envisioned what it is that I wanted to say.  I know they say that 90% of your admissions appeal comes from your GPA and LSAT score, but since those two are already in stone and there isn’t much that I can or cannot do about it…it’s been the personal statement that has received my attention as of late.  (or at least whatever is left of my attention after work, grad school, church and blah blah blah).   It’s funny to think that I can try to fit all my thoughts and essentially my entire being onto a few sheets of a Microsoft Word document, but I guess that’s just it.  It’s not easy to write a great personal statement, but hopefully by the end of this weekend, I’ll be done with it.  To the best of my present ability anyway.

I just got home from our Sunday School teacher’s Christmas party a couple hours ago.  It was great fun to have delicious food (it didn’t hurt that Mrs. Park so lovingly made us take bags of leftovers home), to see the contentment or discontent that comes with White Elephant gift exchanges and to finally watch The Dark Knight…which was by the way…Angela’s gift that Christine ended up coming home with. Yay for being an indirect beneficiary!  I bought a Hello Kitty toaster that toasts with the famous kitty’s head toasted so toastily on every bagel or bread slice that you’d ever like toasted.  It was so cute and it found a great home after a couple steals.  How practical of me to buy, I know.

The point that I’m trying to get to is that the past few weeks have been a bit rough.  I think that I’m slipping into this slump where I’m not really sure where I’m headed or why.  It’s easy for me to go through life just doing what I do best…which is to try my best and not question things.  But I’ve been noticing that I pray less although I rely on praise more now and I’m not sure if I’m pushing myself to be a better and better person.  That is, after all, the ultimate goal.

My new 8 gig thumb drive was stolen out from underneath my nose this past Friday.  All of my school files and law school files were on there.  Thank God (seriously, He is really good to me) that I backed up my files last weekend and for some reason decided to save my grad school projects/papers and law school personal statements on my laptop at home.  I would have been just, so destroyed if this was not the case.  Teaching requires such resilience, but man, I’m not sure how I would have bounced back from having to redo grad projects this last week before Winter Break AND rewrite drafts of my personal statement AND lose all of my 08-09 school files.  I’m just thankful.  So over it.  And hope that whoever stole it learns to be nicer and realizes that what they did is truly wrong.

This post is getting long, but I guess as I type without having to think. so. damn. hard.  like I do when I’m writing a personal statement, I’m beginning to recall why keeping track of my musings on a blog is nice.  This upcoming week should go by quickly.  I knew this past week was going to be terrible, which is probably why it was.  But this week is going to be good.  I’m going to give my kids their little holiday gifts on Monday and I’m excited to promote all the love and healthy habits that will be inside each gift.  I’ll take pictures and post more images and less text next time.

Ah, and before I forget why I entitled the post what I did.  As life continues to whirrrrr by.  I begin to grasp more fully that things in life, they really aren’t so serious.  That thumb drive, Hello Kitty toasters and dare I say, law school applications…really are not that important in the grand scheme of things.  Which is why I have learned how to take a chill pill once in a while and relax post-college.  While watching, The Dark Knight (which is a rather excellent film if I might say so myself)…I had a lot of a-ha! type moments.  I think my favorite part in the entire movie was when these two boats that have the option of blowing the other up (sort of like the classic prisoner’s dilemma), well, they don’t.  And it’s a huge surprise to the Joker.  (I’m also convinced that if they pressed the button, they would have blown their own ship up and not the other one anyway) But that’s beside the point.  The point is that the Joker is a character that seeks the darkness, the evil and the worst in us as people.  He pushes people to make decisions that reaffirm his belief that all people are inherently rotten, like himself, inside.  But what he doesn’t realize is that his own game is also a huge lie.  That moment when he looked up, expecting one of the boats to blow up, was the rekindling of hope.  Hope in mankind.  It sounds so cheesy, but today my dad called me to tell me that he learned that hope is continuing to believe that what has not yet happened will happen one day.  Okay, so he said it better than me just now because I’m having hard time remembering exactly what he said, but you get the picture.  I have to remember to have hope and faith that I will do what I’m supposed to do in this world and that the world will be a better place for it.  Happy Holidays everyone.

Monumental Weekend:

Of course, in the larger scheme of things, the events of this weekend really were not that big of a deal.  In 10 years, I won’t remember exactly how I felt the past few days, but just in case WordPress is still around…

Saturday I took the LSAT.

Sunday I ran 10 miles.  And still made it to mass on time for praise.

That is all, thank you and good night.

Catharsis.

- I feel sad when I think that I’ve let a student down.  Our entire school had to make some schedule changes 6 weeks into the school year and now I’ve lost some students from my class.  Some I was having a hard time connecting with and others I had already connected with.  The change is good because now my class sizes  are smaller and many of those students were transferred late into my class anyway, so they were behind from the start.  It’s bad because I hate to say it, but I’m scared they’re going to get a bad teacher that they won’t feel cared for by and won’t learn anything which will then mean their lives will take a turn in the wrong direction.  Not that I’m the greatest either…because this teaching gig is hard.  But there is no doubt that I will do anything for those kids and at the end of the day, that does make a difference at a school such as mine.

-It’s not all that serious though…or is it?  I feel really weird like this is my fault or something.

-I’m on fire for SAK MD.  I want to create change with all the awesome people here in this place. at this moment.  if it be His will.

-I love my roommates.

-I miss my family.

-I love playing games and watching sports.

-This time next week I will have taken the LSAT and will have [tried to] run a 10 mile race.

-I’m excited to go to Berkeley in two weeks.  (friends, St. Mike’s, diploma, Yogurt Park and nostalgia are among the many reasons)

-Life is moving too quickly.  I need to hurry up and do what I do best.

-Hosanna.  When you really think about it.  What really matters?  Really.

I could…

I could blog about my month spent abroad in Korea and Australia.

I could blog about hosting 50+ people for our much delayed housewarming party.

I could blog about church.  about mass.  about lsat.  about life.

But, instead, I find myself logging onto this space to write that I am so elated that Devonta just called me. Twice! (because I missed his call the first time) to ask me about his homework and whether he had to finish the back page of his Reading Interests Survey or not.

He also asked me if I ate a lot in Australia today because he thought I had gained weight.

Awesome.  But that so doesn’t put a damper on what. just. happened.  Love it.  He’s come such a long way since last year.  Year 2 is going to be great!

23 is MJ’s number.

Has one year really gone by?  It has.  I thought I would do a better job keeping tabs on the eventfulness of my daily happenings on this wordpress, but I find myself updating in huge chunks and leaving out a lot of juicy details in between.  Sometimes I wish I could savor every moment because life is so rich.  It’s like steak.  The rarest moments are always held in the highest regard.  Well, I ain’t gonna lie, I like my steak a few notches shy of burnt.  So here goes the highlights of 22, high heat.

June 07 – spent my 22nd at TFA Metro DC Orientation, yay (not quite).

July 07 – taught 6th grade math and fell in love with Valsky (he learned how to read that summer!)

August 07 – became a part of the Friendship family, met some SAK people, started teaching my 9th grade hooligans

September 07 – started to settle into DC-ite life with grad classes, starting to check out the nightlife and the dedication at the Basilica that my parents came into town for and freaked out when they saw I was living in the hood

October 07 – LiNK Gala, painted tote bags and had a good time at the Hirshorn After Hours event, went to a few picnics where I met more Korean Catholic folk from around MD

November 07 – went back home for a cozy Thanksgiving dinner in Coppell, TX.

December 07 – saw the new temporary church in D-town then spent the rest of Christmas in California with the fam

January 08 – rang in the New Year on the slopes, hit up NYC with Ginnie, Stellz and Geneious, had MT at Rehoboth Beach, rekindled some friendships and went boarding again on the SAK Ski Trip

February 08 – SAK Winter Retreat, too much playing, Chosun Committee meeting, penthouse at Dupont with the cousins

March 08 – got tan, hit surf and ate lots in Maui to celebrate 150 years of Lee family wonderfulness, met George W. Bush, fasted for 30 hours straight

April 08 – started LSAT classes, Ted oppa got hitched, went on 10 trillion field trips during DC-CAS week

May 08 – moved to the ‘burbs in Rockville, went to two graduations and had a blast/got to meet some cool people at OBX

June 08 – finished up my first year of teaching , got pumped for my second year at curriculum planning sessions, ran a bone marrow drive and had one of the best birthday weekends ever at Chloe, Gordon Biersch, saw a rainbow, almost died in an elevator (okay not, died, but it was scary for a minute) and bowled a 127 to close it out (hey, I don’t know about you, but that score is def good for me AND I learned how bowling is really scored!)

And there you go.  I left out so much, but at the same time if I spent every moment documenting what greatness happens to me in the form of blessings on a daily basis…well, life just wouldn’t be as fun, now would it?

Welcome to 23.  Today, I got dye stains out of a cute yellow shirt after three washes.  So far, 23 is so good.  With such high expectations, we know it’s going to be a good one.  Now if the Mavericks would just win the playoffs…

PS: Pictures to be posted on Facebook or Picasa depending on how many people I decide to allow into the visual depiction of my life the past few months.  Smile!

Munchies

As I sit here in my classroom munching on some crackers and hummus and some Barnum’s Animal Crackers thinking about what I should do next today since the grade book is down.  Oh, my student just walked in and handed in an extremely late assignment.  Well, I’ll take it.  Have a nice summer DeMour, see you next year.  Anyway my life has been a lot of different things this past year.  But of course, they do say you are what you eat.  How about you are how many times you eat?  Let’s take a look at Academic Year 2007-2008.

between 5:30-5:45am – breakfast

between 7:00-8:00am – snack

between 10:10 – 10:40am – lunch

between 3:15-4:15am – another snack

between 5-6pm – dinner

between 6-10pm – snack, tea or sometimes second dinner.

I eat a lot. School is over. Reminder to self to post on the great flood of 06/10/08 and this past year.

20 questions. Go ahead, count.

So, it’s already been over a month since my last post. I can’t even begin to recount my daily occurrences. But here is my weak attempt. WEAK!

Last week I was able to finally put my Asian Cultural Awareness Week into fruition. I spent a lot of hours planning, reaching out and cooking for this event. A major thank you to all the wonderful people in my life that supported, volunteered and patted me on the back. I needed all of the support, volunteers and pats. It was an amazing experience as I saw 401 9th graders really become engaged, listen and learn about not one, but six different countries and their cultures. One particular student, Calvon, wrote on his reflection form that “Ms. Lee really made me want to learn.” My heart soared because he is one crazy kid and the look in his eyes when I was doing my lesson on tinikling, was friggin amazing. His bald head shone as he told me he passed his culture quiz with 13/14 and so he got to go eat the food during our Friday Culture Day celebration. Seriously made my heart smile. It was really nice to get to know more of the 9th graders that aren’t in my actual English classes over the past two weeks. We went on three days worth of field trips during the formidable DC-CAS and that was one of the most enjoyable weeks up to date. I organized a trip to the Newseum, which the students really enjoyed. “That joint be vicious!” They loved the 4-D theater where I pretended to be excited for the moving seats even though it was my second time watching it and I knew what was going to happen next. haha.

It makes me wonder what kind of potential these kids really have…and I wonder about my own students too as we hit the end of the school year. I still find myself asking myself if I really am doing these kids a favor by trying to teach them all these things? Not only about literature, but just about being nice, intelligent people that can really do whatever they want if they work hard. I ask myself this even in May because we still have those days. Like today. Maybe they are right, my students said that I should have had a plan before I got here and if I really wanted to change things, then I should do things to really make things change instead of just trying or bringing new ideas that work for a while before things go back to normal. “This is DC Ms. Lee” What the HELL is that supposed to mean?! It’s like they acknowledge the intense love and care but they take it for granted. Why do you do this, Ms. Lee? Go on vacation. Why do you put up with us? Why do you stay up grading papers? Go out on the weekend. Wear your hair down. Loosen up.

But maybe I should be like the other teachers. Maybe I should leave more room for IP while they talk. Maybe I should do x,y and z. And I definitely have a lot to learn. But.

I won’t give up. Dang it, I guess I can’t give up. And I still have a year to go. Will they force me to move up with my kids? Will they pressure me with the DC-CAS? How do my administrators know that I’m an effective teacher when they haven’t seen any empirical data? How can they fight over placing me in the 9th or 10th grade when they really. don’t. know? HAHA. I have to laugh because it’s really flattering, but at the same time, I just want to be left alone in my own classroom sphere. My world. How petty and important at the same time.

I want to write more about the Culture Week and I will eventually because basically the idea for the week was born from my unfinished series on Bringing the Asian American Factor to DC on yes, this blog and while taking a shower. Brilliance, I know. And I promise, eventually the thoughts and experiences will be documented.

I’m starting to ramble, but let me ramble. I’m moving to the semi-burbs this weekend. I’m going to miss the hustle of Florida Avenue. The random African American people shouting on the street at obscene hours and getting stares when I walk into the local stores because the other customers are wondering whether I work at or own the store or not. The cashiers are equally confused. I’m going to miss it, but I’m unbelievably excited. I get to live next to Trader Joe’s and bookstores! My apartment is nice and new! I’m living with two awesome sisters! Yeeee :) Thank you to my movers and my transportation providers for helping me this Friday. I’m thankful for the day off to relocate.

My brain is turning into mush. Must solidify my brain and my freaking body. I signed up for a 10-miler and I haven’t exercised in ages. I still eat like a high school kid…whatever I want. It seems like most working people my age eat right and work out. Man, I need to clean up and look grown. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not doing poorly or “letting myself go” hahaha! but I could be doing better. I got called a snob today because two of my co-workers asked if I had a boyfriend and I said no. And then I explained, in part, why. HAHA. I guess you never know, but it’s definitely going to take time for me to find anyone that is boyfriend material. Believe it or not, I am trying to melt a little and I have, but not enough. I’ll try harder.

I sort of hate going out to stupid networking things or happy hours where people get all riled up about politics and talk about stuff that I’m completely isolated from in my working life. I seriously haven’t been following where Clinton, Obama or McCain stand in terms of the War in Iraq or health policy or various reforms and yet it’s all young people seem to talk about. And out of sounding apathetic because I am fully aware that the next elected leader of our nation and these aforementioned issues are some of the most effective, and oftentimes the only, way to seriously affect change…but I could care less. Diddly squat. Right now, all I can say is that I believe in going out there and doing something about our world. Pick up the piece of trash on the ground. Say hello to a stranger. Ask a random kid if they finished their homework. Donate some money to a cause. Is it too idealistic to believe that all of these small things can amount to something? Am I delusional? Can we talk less and act more?

I think I’ve hit my twenty questions.

troublemakers.

troublemakers (hahaha I kid).

way too many lbs of japchae.

pretty ladies.

Off tangent

A few rants. Yes, I know I just posted, but whatever.

I just graded my Romeo and Juliet unit tests. Call me crazy but I can’t imagine my teachers rejoicing and feeling defeated after grading all the countless assessments that I’ve taken in my life. But for me. How well my kids perform inevitably becomes a measuring stick for my effectiveness as an instructor. I can’t help but notice that the grade distribution in each of my three classes is strongly correlated to behavior. In my smallest class (now down to 20 students) there are extremely high grades across the board on this exam, on average the class achieve 81% mastery and I had over 5 kids make A’s on their test. Compare this with my largest (aka crazy) class and their average mastery was 64% and there were only 2 kids that made A’s on their test. Now, there are clearly other factors outside of my teaching abilities and my students’ current skill levels. For example, one girl made an 8% on her test in my aka crazy class because she refused to stay after school to finish her test. Ridiculous. Even within each class, the students that score the best are typically the ones who are on average well-mannered and have less disciplinary issues in comparison to their peers. Of course there are always the ones who go against the rules and still manage to do well in school even if they sleep in class or act out (this may be the case of intelligence going to waste due to boredom or lack of motivation among hundreds of other possibilities) and then there are those students who are just always going to do well regardless of who their teacher is that year and so on. But there is a overwhelming relationship between behavior and grades and man, I can’t help but feel so happy (!!!) every time a student gets above an 80% and I get to stamp a star on their paper for meeting our goal and conversely, feel so sad when I know they tried and still didn’t get it. Shoot, I feel sad even when I know they didn’t really try. Dang it!

How did the DC schools become the way that they are? Certainly there are two large parallels between the rung of education and the rung of greater socioeconomic issues (housing, health policies etc) but it makes no sense to attack one side of these parallel problems plaguing the inner city and not the other. People say that it is because of societal inequities the schools are they way they are; therefore, trying to zone in on creating change in the school system is fruitless because those other socioeconomic issues are still going to prevail. Who cares if we have brand new, spic and span school buildings with nice computers when students will come in with the same behavioral and academic issues as we face now.

At the same time, we can’t possibly just place educational reform on the backburner and chip away at other issues that run rampant throughout much of DC in hopes that one day everything will just change. We must attack both head on. Yes, change needs to happen in the neighborhoods, streets and homes of many DC residents. At the same time we need to change the way education is run in this city from the top down. I’m talking the allocation of money and resources all the way to the teachers that are servicing our children, I mean the issues are endless considering the fact that there is always room for improvement, but there is no question in my mind, based on my experiences, that we must continue to work every day (even if it does feel like a battle that we fight on the ground, one class period, one student at a time). It’s just not efficient to work this way. Just try to imagine the number of hours, the amount of love, effort and care that can go into targeting such a small population of students. I can only hope and pray that there may be some small iota of change in perspective, self-esteem or even life path from my interactions with my kids this year…but then again as any parent knows, that is as far as you can go with a child. You can’t possibly protect them from the other elements of, well, the world and more immediately who their teacher will be say…next year. Therefore, change needs to happen on a larger level. Every teacher needs to do what they can in their own realm of influence but this can only take us so far. Change needs to happen in our society.

The thing that I could not have possibly understood without working in this system is that the issues I face as a teacher, are really somewhat out of my control. I know this goes against the idea that I have a locus of control that exists in my classroom. When my students are in my classroom all other rules should not apply, I can still cyontrol what happens in my classroom and how I choose to interact or react to my students and in my lesson. Yet it is overly idealistic to truly believe that my every single one of my students can leave 14+ years of experiences, biases and habits at the door. Some of my students are just, well either ignorant, rude and occasionally both. They are incapable (at present, this does NOT mean they cannot or should change) of controlling their emotions, thoughts and often their behavior. When some of my most “challenging” kids are pissed, they are going to let me and every one else know. They exercise no restraint, they do what I find unimaginable. Of course I hated Ms. Causey with a passion, but I never TOLD her to her face or interrupted her lesson because I wasn’t having a good day. At the same time, I don’t know what it feels like to be hungry or to face some of the seemingly insurmountable issues that I know many of my students face outside of my classroom. But is that really any excuse? Is that just creating a culture of entitlement and apathy? Both sides of the argument make so much sense. It’s so understandable yet inexcusable at the same dagblasted time.

Every person has different experiences. But why is it that overwhelmingly in the District teachers face issues that are better suited towards the expertise of a psychiatrist or a social worker? And why is it that when I cross over into Montgomery County it isn’t the same on the whole? Of course all individuals and especially those that happen to be going through an incredible amount of physical, mental and emotional change during their high school years are going to have issues whether your skin is black, white, tan or tye-die. But this observation seems to only further promote bigotry and racism as people then conclude that these behaviors have something to do with the biologically given color of my students’ skin or the culture of African Americans. I mean, one almost can’t blame them for these assumptions as strongly as I disagree with them. At the end of the day what I can do now is to keep trying my best and continually increase the amount of opportunities available and exposure to different ideas, cultures, literature possible for my students. I can keep trying to show my students through my actions and fortitude (though it does waver) that there is good and hope in this world and that it is theirs if they want it. But first, they have to want it. Neither they nor I are entitled to anything. This culture of entitlement and excuses needs to end.

…and, my students need to study harder so they can ace their next exam! The more star stamps, the better!

Spring Break Oh Eight

So this Spring Break I didn’t go to Cancun or party it up in the Bahamas. I didn’t go home. I didn’t go anywhere particularly out of the ordinary. In fact, I pretty much did…what I imagine what most normal young professionals living in the city do.

I made the decision to stay put this break to catch up on errands as I mentally prepared for the last stretch of this school year. I’ll spare you the details, but if the words taxes and the dentist excite you…then I’m your girl.

Of course I also made time to cook lots of food, and go out to some event or meet up with friends. I even did some quintessentially DC things like check out the Newseum (advance tickets baby!!), attend the closing party of an exhibit called Wreckfest and then I’m taking a tour of the West Wing of the White House tomorrow. Even though it was a pretty uneventful week, it was filled with a lot of necessary things. In fact, I take that back because I think life is always eventful to the extent that you wish to view it as such. But I keep saying I feel like the pace of my life is going to slow down and my priorities are refocusing, but it was still a really eventful week. It was good.

I managed to have three pretty stand out conversations this week too. I know it sounds weird and I’m not keeping count or anything (honest!), but all three were with random people that I had met for the first time that evening and all of them lasted for a significant amount of time. I learned about investing in stocks, becoming a world wide traveler and was even able to reflect/commiserate upon the state of the DC school system. Now that I think about it, I learned a lot of practical things this week.

I had so much to say about my thoughts on the Newseum. Although most of them have fizzled out by now, I do want to record how it was really crazy to think about how we often don’t realize the significance of things that happen in the news every day until we truly look back. Only then are we able to realize that these events are now a part of our history. At times I felt myself moved almost to tears for no apparent reason other than the fact that I could not completely fathom how things that happen every day will some day become a part of and truly already is a part of history. Too many of us, myself included, live life with such short-sightedness, it’s so human.

A part of my conversation after dinner tonight really emphasized the obvious, but so often true, idea that we are truly the sum of our past experiences. The way people view themselves and the world and how they choose to act is all somehow related to their previous encounters, upbringing and interactions with others. So why not push ourselves a little further every day? There were truly moments this week that I just busted out in song (fortunately there was no one around me. That I knew of anyway…) and those moments occurred after the most minuscule triumphant events, perhaps not too different from the encounters and interactions that become such a formative part of our lives. It reminds me of how what we do when no one is looking speaks volumes about who we really are…the teaching to not let your right hand know what your left hand is doing. And to keep your appearance up when fasting so that it will not seem as if you are fasting. The same principle applies in our every day lives.

Alright, so not to get all Socrates on anyone, but I’ll end it there. I have 3 HUGE stacks of papers to grade anyway. I leave you with two lists. Actually they’re more for me to reference so if you want to hear about some gems I’ve discovered then read on, otherwise you can press X or <- now.  Let’s just say the mantra of Spring Break Oh Eight might have been, “Oh I ate too much.”  But…

in the spirit of spending time for myself I am creating a list solely devoted to places that I want to go eat. Go with me!  Or at least check out the sites on your own time (both on the web and live):

-Leopold’s Kafe – http://kafeleopolds.com/

-Thai X-ing – http://www.inshaw.com/blog/Thai%20X-ing.htm

-Dolcezza Gelato – http://www.dolcezzagelato.com/

-Sweet Mango Café – www.sweetmangocafe.com

-Amsterdam Falafel – http://www.falafelshop.com/

-Peking Gourmet Inn – http://www.pekinggourmet.com/index.html

-Ray’s the Steaks

-Maybe one of these days…Komi

 

Well after realizing that list wasn’t really that long, I decided to add things I need to do while in DC too:

-check out the Cherry Blossom Festival

-visit Old Town Alexandria

-attend a Supreme Court Hearing

-visit Baltimore

-visit Annapolis

 

nice.